It was the summer of 2016 when I've started to fill the shoes of a Jasmin model, all scared about not knowing what to do, or if I will do it good, all sort of questions popped into my mind "will I handle this life?", "what will my friends think of me?", "what will my parents do if they would ever find out I am undressing for money?", "am I beautiful enough?"…. my thoughts would fill my head and intoxicate me, making me many times lose control in fear, that went on for some time until one day I had the chance to "meet" someone, he refused to tell me his name, age or who he was, telling me that it would not matter, he urged me to imagine him however it would make me more comfortable in his "presence", and at that moment I started to picture him like a friend from high school, just a regular person, nothing out of the ordinary… then it hit me, I've let my fear cloud my judgment as I would put a veil of mystery over every member that would visit, I would make them seem someone so far, so out of reach that I could never connect with them, I would punish myself out of fear of not knowing what to do so hard that I would not be myself. Later that day when I went to bed, everything came to light, everything seemed to connect and make sense, members were not cold, unreachable things, without feelings, I am not supposed to do things in a certain way, I am only supposed to be myself and that would bring a balance into my life, as all this was settling into my mind I found myself eager to get back in front of the camera, that day I could not sleep at all, I imagined how it would be and that being myself was the answer all along.
With this new concept installed into my mind, I started wondering more about the people I would get to meet, who are they, where they come from, they are from different cultures, religions, will I be able to understand them, will I be able to connect with them? So I started to dream of a better me, a me whit better social skills, a me that can touch a person and be touched no matter the language the we've spoke, a me that can make Earth seems such a small place as I would be able to resonate with people from across the globe. I was a shy girl who just wanted to travel and to learn about new cultures and make new friends, so what easier way to travel than being part of their lives, by listening to them, and my love which I have for the human to human talk helped me create connections between me and members, made me realize that I must be there to warm their soul when coldness settles in, other times it was my job to give the advice they need or to make them feel positive or fight beside them and offer a hand to pull them back when they fall down, to make them feel safe with me . It was not easy for me and I could not do it by myself but I learned these things from a dedicated and professional team which I meet at my studio and made me realize that if you invest time and do everything with passion and dedication nothing seems impossible.
I come to the point where I started to know very well my members, to care for them and to treat their problems. I often met members with depression or suicidal ideas. I remember a 26-year-old member from Germany with whom I was sitting in the private session 4-6 hours a day. I tried to show that life itself is a miracle and that he must have more confidence in this miracle and enjoy every day. After two weeks of "therapy" I managed to persuade him to go to the psychologist, to enjoy the sun, the people this was a successful day for me.
Other successful days are those in which I finish the online session with the smile on my face and looking forward to starting a new day online. I remember when I taught someone very special to me to make Romanian food and now he sells those dishes at his restaurant in Colorado. Before I went online I called my grandmother for the receipts. I took my kitchen apron, the ingredients I needed, some pots, some jars and when he entered in my private session we started cooking.
I taught him how to make the pickle, "saramura", Transylvanian goulash forced rolls wrapped in a picked vine or cabbage leaf ' I talked with him about "carnati de Plescoi", "mici", spices like savory. Summer savory is a traditional seasoning in mici, small skinless sausages Romanian food is rarely spicy and dill, lavage and flat-leaf parsley are the dominant herbs. I made with him also "garlic sauce ", Garlic sauce (mujdei) is a traditional accompaniment to fried fish. The private session lasted 12 hours, we laughed, we had fun, we cooked but also I helped him with his business because how he has on the menu at his restaurant Romanian dishes in the mountains of Colorado.
As time passed by and the more I interacted with people, and got to know more „places" I found out that our universal language was love and goodness, my purpose turned into becoming a better person, so I turned my compass toward good, doing good, being good became my every day motto, the funny thing about it is that the side effect of all this turned to be me winning a few prizes for best model on Jasmin, which is a huge honor for me, as I very well know with who I am competing.